


A Collection of Poems

by CalsSenorita



Category: poems - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Emotions, Feelings, First work - Freeform, Healthy outlet, I have no idea what I'm doing, Poems, These just come to me, basically a diary of feels, mental health, my release of pent up emotions, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2020-10-26 04:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalsSenorita/pseuds/CalsSenorita
Summary: I just needed somewhere to post my poems and I hope you enjoy





	1. Chapter 1

When you sink so low that you think you've finally hit the bottom,  
And you can't feel anything at all.  
You find out there's more room for you to fall.  
Going deeper and deeper,  
Until you can't see a way out.  
You know that you have two options; option 1 or 2

1\. To fight your way back up into the light

2\. Give up and just keep sinking into the darkness, until it consumes your very essence.

I hope you choose option 1,  
You don't want to let yourself go and be consumed by all of the darkness.  
You must be strong and brave the storm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // = interchangeable lines

Look in the mirror, //for its not me you'll see.// //Don't like what you see//  
Something's missing, but no one knows.  
Hidden deep within so that no one can unlock  
All the secrets she keeps stocked away.  
Slip through the cracks and you'll see,   
Maybe it's not you that's breaking.  
Feeling out of place in the mirror.  
Never looking in your eyes for more than a second.  
Stripped of her warmth for something withered.  
A home within a lonely home.  
Some days she opens the door to test the waters.  
Others she slips back into her safety.  
Day in and day out struggling to free  
The beautiful soul she knew she could //be// //see//.  
Break the glass so you can see she who is really me.


	3. Chapter 3

I think it's pretty clear to me  
I'm not who you thought I was supposed to be.  
Edges getting blurry,  
Can't see straight ahead of me.  
Used to think you were what's best for me,  
But now I'm a little weary of your intentions.  
You say push, but mean pull.  
Stuck in an endless cycle of miscommunication   
Wondering which way is up and which is down.  
Now it's pretty clear to see,   
You were never who I made you out to be.  
Gave you every little piece of me,   
Surrounded by the enemy.  
In return, you made me the worst version of myself.  
Clouded my judgement, tainted my vision   
With whatever you thought that I needed to see.  
Turns out, it was never your decision   
Of what my life should entail.   
For that, I'm letting you go because now my life is up to me.


	4. Chapter 4

Nervous,  
People watching   
Close the blinds in fear of judgment   
Blind eyes to the world  
Surroundings never changing  
Glassy eyes dreaming  
Of a way out of her head  
Into the living

Nervous  
Never asking twice  
Listening more than speaking  
Over-thinking  
Judging herself more than others  
Can't sleep  
Too busy thinking of what could be  
Rather stay the same than risk it all  
Free fall

Nervous  
Questioning questioning questioning   
Every little detail replayed   
Smiles dim   
Eyes dimmer   
Where they used to glimmer   
The spark is hidden   
Beneath all the jitters   
Nervous


	5. Chapter 5

I've been running in circles,  
Just trying to figure out  
How someone can make me feel.  
All these emotions are like a loose cannon  
Waiting for one wrong move  
So they can explode.  
Reigniting a spark forgotten.

I'm so confused.  
I take one step forward,  
Then 3 more back.  
Each push and pull  
Makes me feel so misunderstood.  
Trying helplessly to not waiver  
From the path before me,  
To only find another opens up  
And draws me near.

A message in a bottle  
Tells me it will all soon be clear,  
Even though I have no idea what I'm doing here.


	6. Chapter 6

Stuck in this room with no clock,  
Begging for someone to talk.  
We keep making eye contact, but never speak.  
Our truths matter here.  
Who are we to hold ourselves back.  
Never getting deep enough, just showing the tip.  
We crash and burn every time we don't set it straight.  
Running in circles, never fixing what was wrong.  
Determined to stay broken,   
Lost, but not found.   
Searching for the words to say,   
But never grasping those to set me free.  
I'm trying so hard, but my heart and mouth  
Can't seem to communicate.  
Lost at sea are the memories   
From before when I was just me.  
I play hide and seek each and everyday   
To figure out what I'm going to say.  
In this room there is no judgement,  
But even here I'm held back by something.


	7. Chapter 7

Hurling yourself towards the edge  
Can't slow down or brace for impact  
Tumbling, spiraling out of control  
When does it end  
How can I fix it  
Never ending doubt crippling me  
Was it too much  
How did we end up here  
Not knowing how to act  
Shadows fading into the background   
No second looks, just two unlikely people to ever cross paths again


	8. Chapter 8

Looking, searching, for something  
To remind me of who I once was.  
Any little thing to help me remember.   
Running through darkness   
Not finding a light.  
Lost.  
What will I find  
If anything at all?  
Will it be shards and fragments   
Or whole pieces?  
Will I have to glue and  
Stitch myself back together   
Or will I be forever  
Searching for a piece to make me whole?  
Can I find a light or will I be wandering, stuck for a while?


	9. Chapter 9

He was a painter, she was his work of art; a masterpiece one might say. He carefully thought of where he'd place each stroke of his brush bringing her to life. He had purposely crafted his beautiful work of art into something he'd hoped others would appreciate one day. He decided he would show her off to all of his friends, wanting them to see this structured form. Instead of appreciating her beauty and worth, they deconstructed everything the painter had done. Until he no longer felt like she was his pride and joy and that maybe he should change her. That day he ruined her by trying to change her, streaking her with all these colors that weren't for her. That in itself forced a rift between how he once felt all this love and accomplishment, now erased to feeling like she wasn't enough. Would never be enough.

He threw her away because he couldn't, wouldn't see her worth anymore. She never wanted to feel that way again. Seeing the eyes she once saw shine so bright, fade into a dull color. Never again will she feel weak because no one knew her worth. She took her time scrubbing away the changes the painter did last minute. It wasn't an easy or fast process, but one that was necessary. All the days she spent fixing herself, so she could be brand new again wouldn't be worth all the pain she went through. She was broken she knew, but was on the mend. She didn't want anyone changing her to be what they wanted her to be. She thought that the painter would be different, but he conformed to the ever changing society of painters. She was worth it even if no one could see it. She finally managed to get rid of all those ugly colors, she wouldn't fade into the background. She pulled herself out. Not only becoming like her old self, but a newer fresher version and she felt great.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should probably proof read these, but I'm lazy. Hopefully there are no mistakes. :) Also this was inspired by someone you loved by Lewis Capaldi.

You came alive with the attention and noise, whereas I turned inwards with the sound. Cage less were you when the music was loud and tempo was strong.  
I stood watching from the sidelines as you were unleashed to the crowd. I'd forever be the weight holding you down from experiencing the loudness and energy. Slowly drifting towards the edge, waiting for someone to notice my presence. A few people did, but it was nothing like the people you drew in. They had this wild light and hypnotizing essence that made anyone near come alive. There was this weightlessness to it. The dancing, lights, even the air around them was different when they saw you near. With me, people respected my lack of noise and didn't disturb this quiet, but careful space I made. You were the chaos to my calmness, the spark to my match. Being with you was like a moth drawn to its sweet demise of a flame. No one knew you'd drain them eventually, but you took their youthfulness away, only to replace it with a heart less kind, a carefulness to where they once were wild and free. You took that from them, when you yourself were low. How else could you remain so full of life? People gave and gave until they absolutely couldn't, leaving them heartless and drained. So yes, while in your presence did they shine, but as they left they lost a little bit of themselves as well. Now, people come to me to get back what you left them with. They come for the conversation and leave with a healing heart. Now they know why I was never a part of the loud, boisterous noise and was always observing. Who else would save them when you left them cold and broken?


	11. Chapter 11

Empty  
Yearning  
Wells  
Of  
Honey

Sweet  
Release  
Of  
Rosy  
Fragrance

Calming  
The  
Air  
We   
Breathe

Oceans  
Swelling  
With   
Tides  
Of  
Compassion 

For  
We   
Know  
Of   
Better  
Days  
To  
Come

Hearts  
Grow  
With  
Tunnels  
Of  
Love


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone always wants to feel valued, respected and loved, when did that turn into feelings of inadequacy? Why do I now see shortcomings, when I used to see an opportunity? People rarely say what they mean or mean what they say. What's the point of empty words when you could be saying what needs to be heard?

There are few people who will tell you what they actually think and they're labeled as mean. However, the thing people fail to realize is how you actually need those people to see what they see. Your perspective isn't the only one and you don't have to fulfill others perspectives of you. We all need 1 person to tell it how it really is. 1 person to try and push you in the right direction. 1 person you can be yourself with fully and completely without filters.

Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on or someone to just listen. Other times we need the voice of reason or someone to scheme with. Surround yourselves with a variety of the people you hold dearly and cherish your relationship with them. Sometimes you forget that each person you lean on needs you to fill one of those roles as well, so be what they need you to be in their time of need.

Listen, reflect and make a decision. No one will ever fully understand your story like you do, so remember that whatever you decide to do, good or bad, will determine someone's opinion of you. Also, note that you are not what they say you are! Only you know your full potential.


	13. Chapter 13

I was worth it, long before you came along and gave me purpose.  
Flashing brightly in a sea of lights.  
The more you captured, the less my glory was worth.  
Stealing my golden shine right before my very eyes.  
I let you in, thinking we would both glimmer.  
Instead, I grew dimmer with every word said.  
Until finally, the meteor showers came and no one could see my soul.  
Light should fade daily, gradually and smoothly.  
Being with you was a whirlwind of colors, but none of which belonged to me.  
However, my light was quickly burning away to what one would only call ashes.  
You didn't need me to give you that spark, you just wanted what I had.  
Now I sleep, knowing I can rebuild my sparkle and shine without you.  
From ashes we start, but shall not remain.  
Now my blaze is back to its ember, never to be snuffed out.  
Long lived and sizzling beneath the surface


	14. An open letter

You brought excitement into my life, but it didn't last. We had so many good times that I'll be thankful for, but there were also times I doubted our friendship and if I was just barely saving something worth letting go. We both weren't in the right headspace throughout our friendship and we gave as well as we got. You let me explore things that I would've missed out on if you hadn't invited me over. I also remember a time where you saw these vines of people slapping unexpected people with whatever coating their hands. You happened to think that it was okay to do to me, but didn't expect me to cry as the outcome. The emotions I felt after that were all over the place because I was used to people hurting me, but not one of my friends. I grew even more wary of people after that. I know you didn't mean to make me upset, but you didn't know what was going on in my life because I never let that part of me show. I was always trying to have fun and laugh to block out my hurt. You opened all that up that day, so when I started scratching at my legs, you realized this was serious and not just a joke to me. I think you eventually realized how hard it was being there for me because you were going through stuff as well and my pushing everything down was getting to you. Don't get me wrong we had so many happy memories and good laughs, but there were also times I doubted if I was trying to make it work just for the sake of not losing you because I wanted to hold onto someone who made me feel less alone at times. So this is me letting go of some emotions I've been holding onto for a bit. I'm trying to be less petty about what happened and somehow let it go, but it's hard because we were friends for so long before it all crashed down one day.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work, but something to post

Healing

How do you expect me to fill the old voids with new memories if you never let my old wounds heal? I need a space to grow and prosper with me not being stuck in the same old reality I've been living in. Things change because sometimes old remedies can need updating, so the outdated ways flourish in your ever changing headspace. I can't heal if I come home to the same hell that I've been working through. What's the point of changing myself, when the outcome will end up the same? I go where the wind takes me and carve my new rules into stone, so I can see my progress.

Flowers can't grow without the ingredients for a good ecosystem. They don't grow in rock quarries because they don't have room. The space I'm trying to fill has shrunk in around me, so now I have to make my peace and find a new space. It's all so difficult and different. It may take some longer than others, but once you've scarred over the wounds, you'll find they don't hurt as much when you poke and prod at them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found this poem in a journal from 11th grade English class

Little girl all alone in a big world  
Trying to see what the future holds  
As she watches the stars up in the sky  
She feels something she hasn't felt in a while  
She feels at peace with her surroundings  
In the distant past she remembers a desolate time  
One where she was longing to be seen, heard, or maybe not to be lonely  
She realized her mistake  
Dreams don't happen, unless you make them real  
As she pictures the perfect world she could live in  
She sees her reflection and realizes, she is totally, completely, alone.


	17. Chapter 17

She tries and she tries, but it doesn't matter  
For all her friends left her broken and shattered.  
She sits at night thinking about what could have happened.  
As she ponders, she realizes now, putting her all into anything  
Leaves her torn apart when it's over.  
Now she doesn't let anyone get too close.  
She tells pieces and parts of herself, so she will never be as broken as she was before.


	18. Life update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's not a poem

I've been wanting to write something for a bit, but I just haven't. Maybe something will come out of me being off Zoloft for a week because I ran out before my renewal date. I mean something other than irritability, headaches, coordination problems, I've literally almost walked into the doorway once. Idk why, but I haven't been feeling as creative. I'll try and maybe update in a week, but don't hold me to it. So yeah.


	19. Black, beating heart

Souls dripping with hatred, but covered in a sickly sweet coating.  
All you see is a sticky red bleeding heart, but underneath it's black.  
Black, inky pools of despair and evil.  
Not showing until the red has run dry.  
Where you thought was love, empathy and peace, it's been tainted all along.  
Now you see it for who it really was all this time.  
Once that coating dissolves, will you like the remnants of that soul?  
Not all have a deeper, darker energy to them.  
Most have layers, but none as dark and empty.  
Cherish your soul, unless you wish to experience the pain of a deadly poison.


	20. Chapter 20

Seedlings morph into plants, that's where our doubt stems from  
The root of all evil and death to our creative process  
All these thoughts branching out and colliding  
Their outreach traveling further and further throughout   
The ingredients to a happy successful plant are a little sunlight and love  
Give them room for proper growth and they will bloom beautifully   
Never let anything overshadow their existence   
Live in the here and now


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired by Ashton Irwin from 5sos

You're the light in the dark for most people  
Even when you feel that shine fading  
People expect so much from you  
Yet give so little upon return  
They call themselves fans  
But don't accept your love interest  
The fame and the fortune mean less than your need for evolution   
You grow each day learning all you can  
Meditation is good for your poetic soul  
It gives back in a way you just can't seem to get from any other thing  
Emotions brewing under the surface  
You want to share but feel like no one will understand   
So you share without really letting it be known that's how you feel  
You need to rebuild your own light and let it flow  
To be free from whatever is weighing you down and holding you back  
You value your relationships and education   
Your mind is eager to sift through any knowledge bestowed upon you  
Your eyes reflect the soul that yearns to be free  
Set yourself free from your burdens and immerse yourself in love  
Love lights the way to your heart  
Carry it with you always and you'll always be true to yourself


End file.
